The Road to Hana (opening credits)

from by Styop Quoons

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Once upon a time, there was a young man named Pocahontas, who lived deep in the wilderness of northern Canada, with his mother Eleanor, his dog Chip, and an imaginary playmate named Skip Brisbee. Pocahontas and his family lived a simple life without material comforts, and for the first fourteen years of his life he was carefree, and satisfied. However, one afternoon late in July, the ghost of his dead father came to him in a dream.

"Pocahontas," said his father, "This is your father."

Pocahontas replied that he had no father.

"Pocahontas," said his father again, "I have a task for you. You must journey far to the south, to a land known as Hana. It is there that you shall find the meaning of life."

Before Pocahontas could reply, the vision was gone, and he was lying awake in his bed. That morning at breakfast, Pocahontas told his mother about the dream. She regarded him sadly, and nodded.

"Yes," she said, "I knew that this day would come eventually. You must do as your father has bidden you."

"But Mother," said Pocahontas, "Where is Hana? I have never heard of such a place."

"No one knows," said his mother. "For none have ever gone there and returned to tell the tale. The road to Hana is dark and perilous, and inhabited by foul creatures too horrible to describe. However, you must make the journey, and you must make it alone."

Pocahontas, despite being alarmed by his mother's suddenly grave demeanor, swallowed his fear and nodded soberly.

And so it was that, on a bright and clear Summer morning, Pocahontas left the cabin in which he had spent his entire life, and journeyed forth in search of his destiny.

Muffin International Entertainment Presents; A Styop Quoons Production; The Road to Hana; Written and Performed by Styop Quoons; Starring Styop Quoons, Kurt Von Hornendorfer, Madeline Albright, Charles Cack, and introducing Katherine Vas Deferens, as Eleanor.

This audio recording is protected by international copyright law. Any attempt to reproduce or distribute this recording, in whole or part, is punishable by cruel and inhuman acts of government sanctioned torture too unspeakable to list.


from The Road to Hana: Act I: Life is Cheap, released February 11, 2010



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Styop Quoons is made entirely out of candy. You should not only listen to him, you should lick him like a lollipop.

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