Machine Gun Bacon

by Styop Quoons

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In the days of old, when knights were bold, and toilets not invented, people would like poop or something. In those instances, the knights would typically poop inside their armor because the armor was pretty hard to take off once you got it on. Plus, you needed to have this guy called a "squire" to take the armor off for you, and he usually didn't want to do it because there was almost always poop inside the armor. Anyway, it was very smelly to be a knight back then.

What was I talking about? Pooping in the middle ages. However, that is not relevant. I don't even know why I brought it up. I was supposed to be writing an introduction to this album. However, this album needs no introduction. So, really, you're reading this intro for basically nothing. Big meaty chud.

Anyway, download this album. It's free. You can also pay me if you want. It's also only like 3 tracks, so it won't take up much space on your computer. It's barely even an album, it's more like an EP or a single or something. The songs are pretty good. Or maybe they're not good at all. Either way, this shit is free. FREE. You don't have to pay me at all, although you can if you want to.

There is literally no excuse for you to not download this record. It will not cost you anything, unless you want it to. It is very short. Seriously, if you don't download this record, it means you have like ten feet of dick in your mouth. Do you want to have like ten feet of dick in your mouth? Do you want everyone else to KNOW that you have like ten feet of dick in your mouth? Because I'm going to tell everyone that you have like ten feet of dick in your mouth if you don't download this album. I know who you are. I am watching you through your webcam right now. Lol not really. Anyway, I wasn't lying. Ok, I was lying about the webcam thing. But not about the ten feet of dick thing. Or about the album being free, or good. Ok, I might have been lying about the album being good. But it is free. And free is its own kind of good.

Anyway, download this album or else you are a huge faggot, and I'm going to tell everyone that you are a huge faggot and everyone you know is going to laugh at you. Maybe even some people that you don't know will laugh at you. I don't know you and I will be laughing at you. Then we will all get together and have a big "I Am Not a Huge Faggot" party, and you won't be invited, because you will be a huge faggot and also you didn't download the album.

Everyone else but you will be having a good time. So download the album now.

Lol is anyone even reading this? Send me an email if you are reading this. There is a contact form in the corner of the page. I'm curious if anyone is even looking at this.


released March 15, 2016


All Instruments Played by my Computer. All production and arranging and moving the little blips around on the screen was done by me. But the actual performance part was done by the computer because I can't play any instruments. At least not very well.

Contains samples from like Ted Cruz cooking bacon on his machine gun barrel, and also this song from an old Songfight from like 2008 or something. Also, there is a sample from an episode of South Park. Those samples are all probably owned by somebody so please don't tell them about this record, unless you find out they want to download it and give me money for it, in which case it's Ok.




The Muffin Recording Company Portland, Oregon

Styop Quoons is made entirely out of candy. You should not only listen to him, you should lick him like a lollipop.

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