Egyptian Hairstyles

by Styop Quoons

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about

Have you ever heard that song by Randy Newman about short people? Me neither. Or, rather, I think I heard it once, but it was a really long time ago and it didn't make much of an impression on me. Well, actually I guess it kind of did, since I am writing about it now and obviously remember it. However, I don't remember the actual song much at all. Actually, hold on a minute. I am going to see if I can find it on You Tube or something.

Okay, I am listening to the song. It's pretty funny. It's all about how much Randy Newman hates short people. Seriously, he's all like "short people have no reason to live." But then he kind of turns it around and brings up how short people are just like you and me. However, I don't personally feel that this is true. I, for one, am actually pretty tall. Not like, the green giant or something, but you know, I'm like not short at least.

Fuck short people. They have no reason to live. They've got, grubby little noses and dirty little minds, and they are always hiding in my kitchen cabinets, and then when I open up the cabinet to get some crackers or something they all pop out and are like "Oops plow SURPRISE!" and they slap me in the face with their grubby little fingers and then cackle maniacally in that weird little munchkin laugh that they have. I seriously fucking hate those guys.

Anyways, what was I supposed to be writing about? Oh yeah. This album. This album is called Egyptian Hairstyles, and it's very good. It's nothing like Short People by Randy Newman, in fact it's nothing like anything else by Randy Newman. At least, I don't think it is.

Anyway, buy this album. You probably won't regret it.

credits

released October 12, 2011

All Instruments Played or Programmed by Styop Quoons.

All Lyrics and Music by Styop Quoons.

Produced and Engineered by Styop Quoons.

Copyright 2011 MUFFIN. All Rights Reserved.

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The Muffin Recording Company Portland, Oregon

Styop Quoons is made entirely out of candy. You should not only listen to him, you should lick him like a lollipop.

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Track Name: Sweet Daddy Munchkin
Oh, sweet daddy munchkin,
I seen you outside in the yard
You was lookin' so pale
And you told me a tale
And you said that your luck had been hard

Oh, sweet daddy munchkin
I despise your peen-whackin' ways
I gave you a dime
and you wasted my time
And you set my poor homestead ablaze

Oh, why did I trust ya?
That deceitful munchkin you are
I was blinded by smoke
I coughed and I choked
Meanwhile you made off with my car

Oh, sweet mother Mary
I won't trust a munchkin no more
If I see one again
I'll just smile and pretend
That I don't see him outside my door
Track Name: Cryptic Comment
We were holding hands
All alone in the park

We were holding hands
All alone in the dark

And then you made that cryptic comment
It made me want to stick my weenie in you
That's what I want to do
Just for you

And so I made a cryptic comment
Girl, and then I stuck my weenie in you
That's what I'm gonna do
Yes it's true

I want to stick my weenie in you
Track Name: His Last Few Days
Sit on the sofa
Count as the days go past
And I'm thinking maybe
Today might be the last

But if it's not I'll just
Sit by the TV collecting dust
This isn't quite how I thought it'd be
Wonder if they still remember me

Sit on the sofa
Every day's the same
Watch the TV
Will they mention my name?

But if they don't I'll just
Sit a dark room collecting dust
It's said and done made my point I guess
This is how I'll spend the rest
of my days.

Sit on the sofa
Sure ain't much to do
Wish that somebody out there
Would bring me a Mountain Dew

I'll remain here by and by
and when they shoot me I will die